start and finish

there is a saying: you end something the same way you start it.

true, in a way.

for me, usually, everything starts with words. so, how else could it end? words bring people together and tear them apart. a good word stimulates someones curiosity, a bad word can frighten.

we all come and go as we please in our lives, we are all free to think and progress through our existence as we like. we speak to each other and, sometimes, we refuse to do so. maybe because we discover that we need to have more knowledge before we say the words we want to say or maybe just because our words don't feel like the right ones for a certain situation.

nonetheless, our ability to communicate makes us attractive or despicable. it only depends on us, our ability to make ourselves understood by others and our ability to understand the mind processes of others.

as you might have noticed, the first part of this post is entirely based on reason and maybe philosophy.

now for the feeling: words are also used to express our feelings towards a person. the problem lies in the fact that not all feelings can be expressed using words. sometimes it's easier to just show someone how you feel. what you say is not always what you mean. that's not because you don't know how to use words to your advantage. it's simply because your soul doesn't speak with words. it speaks with feelings. and it's your job to translate. maybe it would be easy if you would understand everything you feel but sometimes you just don't know. so you will want to wait until your feelings are clear. NEWS FLASH: that's never going to happen. it's so much better to say what you can say and show what you can show.

so, as a piece of advice: don't hold back on what you feel. say it or show it. it's going to improve your self respect and most probably the respect of others. although sometimes the truth hurts. yes, but it hurts for a shorter period of time then the one you spend alone trying to gather from bits and pieces how someone feels about you. believe me. i've been on that road.

as i was saying...

it's all about feelings. is it right or wrong, i don't know. what i do know is that we all feel. it's not that we want to feel, it just is. and it doesn't start when we want it to and it doesn't end when we want it to. it was given to us (some would say by God, some would say by aliens :)) and we make the best we can out of it.
some time ago i saw a movie and there was a scene where someone said that some angels are gealous because God gave man a soul and He never thought about giving one to his first creations. i don't know if it's true but it made me feel a bit special. because i could feel. i was kinda feeling sad for the angels in that movie...but i was FEELING.
and later on, in my imense ignorance i forgot to show a special person what i was feeling.
you know, life has it's ups and downs....well...that led to a down.
they were also saying in that movie that some angels chose so renounce their status in heaven and came down to Earth to live as we do. with all the advantages and disadvantages of human life...they chose feelings over the higher, godlier status.
i've met my fallen angel and decided that I wanted to show her i can put her back where she belongs: in Heaven. what i didn't understand was that once the choice is made there is no turning back unless He decides so. naturally, i failed in my selfgiven task.
why? because she belonged here, with me and not in heaven. it was her choice and i disregarded it. i ASS-U-MEd she was for granted. and, of course, i made an ass of myself.
why do we love? because we are supposed to.
why do we fail? because there is always a fight between our feelings and our reason.
what has reason to do with it all? about that another time.

remember to love each other and don't take each other for granted. you never know when your reason betrays you.

Let's begin with a little hope

just this for now....